daily practice 2
In repetition & building up...
It's been a great couple of days. I didn't write to you on Wednesday because I was worried about clogging your inbox. Should we move this to chat so we can be more conversational? And maybe you could tell me about your days as well. (Poll at the end of the text)
Salaam! I hope you're well and, per the greeting, at peace. Looking at goals for the week, I went out more than 3 times and didn't feel like a baby vampire thrust into the sun.
Whenever you feel sad, are eating well, but aren't sure what's causing it, I always advise going outside. I don't usually follow that advice myself, but I did this week, and the effect was so good, Alhamdulillah.
I didn't complete the outline of my book, but I worked on it and the character sheets. More of this in my other newsletter, Protagonist Express.Watch out tonight.
I did study. Huge sigh of relief, because for a bit there I worried I'd lost my ability to sit down and maintain intense focus for long periods of time. I haven't, and I still enjoy the flow state. It is still my absolute favourite state to be in.
I drew an apple, but I want to watercolour it, and I'm hopeful to share the finished product with you next week. I haven't drawn in so long, and in my year of creativity, I want this to change. Drawing one thing each week through December was a way of finding my space again. Now I have sticky notes, and I hope to draw something every single day, in shaa Allah.
I did listen to part of an Islamic lecture, but like all things that involve listening lately, I only sustained attention for a short time. That's not a great problem for me at the moment, as I'm more concerned lately with doing again and again rather than requiring any particular depth each time.
And cheers, guys, I exercised! Which was fun and is always fun! And it is good for your mental health.
Yesterday, I spoke to one of my lovely friends. I was about to hang up when she said: Oh, the conversation can't end this way. What about your resolutions? That was when I realised that between the two of us, this was the special thing. May Allah preserve her. 🤲🏾
I talked a lot, but at the end of it, I said: You know, I don't know. I don't really know. Because while I made the list and the board, it's not easy to be sure when the last year was such a blur. I looked at my pictures and notes, and I had only started to document anything in August.
Can you imagine that?
Just months of appearing well and functional but having no spoons to actually be more than alive. That was what was missing in all my other conversations about resolutions. I hadn't seen how much of me required tenderness with myself, with who I was allowing myself to be despite how low things had been.
I simply thought, you've lost ambition. You're replete now, is that it?
So much judgment and very little acknowledgement of how the little things become grand things. My bigger resolutions are things I feel I want, although I had to go back to that list with a scalpel at the points where there were obvious goal-value mismatches. The reason I faced them last month, two to three days ago, with disbelief was that I had built them up to be big things that I must just do!
Goals shouldn't feel like that. They should feel like something you're walking up to, like coming home, one by one, instead of the daunting maw of a crocodile. And maybe that worked for me once but…
Frankly, I am not that person anymore. I am slow and measured and happy, bi idhnillah, and I am kind to myself. Taking the time to be sure the things I say I want are actually what I want and making space to decide little by little because for the first time in a while, I have the luxury of that.
And Allah facilitates.
Goals for the week:
Complete character sheets
Study more. Can we get to 35 pomodoro sessions of 45 min each, 10 min rest this week? I'm willing to try.
Draw every day
Exercise
Learn - not sure what way, as I'm circling between coding lessons, Coursera, books and edX lately, but no matter, something is getting learned.
Listen to a lecture but every day for at least 5 min.
See you next week, in shaa Allah!
🎧🥰